No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
