Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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