I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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