Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
