And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
