guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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