Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
