His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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