and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
