I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
