I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
