mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
