Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
