you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
