help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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