you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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