He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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