Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
