oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
