Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
