We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
