Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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