I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
