his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
