"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
