Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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