Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
