JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
