I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
