i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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