after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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