I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
