It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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