apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
