I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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