Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
