the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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