i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
