Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
