dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
pop tarts are not kleenex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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