Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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