The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
