He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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