And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
