I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
