honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
