i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
