you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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