My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
