If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
