Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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