There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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