I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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