Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
